I think this guy is full of himself. You know, just a little bit.

Real Name: Kal-El
AKA: Clark Kent
Alignment: Good
Affiliation: Justice League
Relatives: Jor-El (father), Superman's mother (mother), Jonathon Kent (adoptive father) Martha Kent (adoptive mother), Supergirl (cousin)
Gender: Male
Unusual Features: Awesome hair
Occupation: Journalist
Education: Bachelor's Degree in English
Species: Kryptonian
Home: Krypton (formerly), Smallville, Metropolis
Likes: Truth and Justice
Dislikes: Evil
1st Appearance: Superman 1
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Superman (also known as Clark Kent, Kal-El, the Man of Steel, Man of Tomorrow, Last Son of Krypton, Metropolis Marvel, Big Blue, Supes, Don't Hurt Me, Clarky, Boyscout, the most overpowered superhero ever, and It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!) is the local journalist for the Daily Planet. He's also Jesus Christ in the body of an alien that's masquerading as a human who's secretly a superhero that's actually a god, but he doesn't talk about that. Superman to this day, remains to be one of the most overpowered characters in superhero history.


Early LifeEdit

Kal-El was born on planet Krypton. His parents were going through a divorce at the time, and his father decided he didn't want to pay child support. He put his son in a rocket to fly him off to some other planet. First, he left him with a holographic message to try to cover it up with some cock-and-bull story about the planet exploding. He also left him with a hand-knitted superhero suit for when his son took over whatever planet he landed on, as is the tradition on Krypton. He then sent his son off, never to see him again.

Superman eventually landed on this planet known as Earth. He was found by a couple known as Jonathon and Martha Kent. He was taken in by the two were he and his mother were abused by his father. This is where he developed the hero complex he still has today. He was eventually taken away by Social Services and given to the -El family.

Becoming SupermanEdit

After struggling with his powers, Superman decides to become a force of good. He puts on that stupid outfit his dad gave him, and he flew around Metropolis "rescuing" people who didn't really need to be rescued. During this time, he attracted some unwanted attention. After causing collateral damage to the LexCorp building, he found an enemy in Lex Luthor. Superman has since fought endlessly using his god-like powers in a desperate attempt to defeat a bald CEO that has no powers whatsoever.

Powers and AbilitiesEdit


  • Superhuman Strength: Superman has unprecedented strength. Some say he is even able to open a jar of pickles without even breaking a sweat. He has also completed less notable yet still impressive acts, such as pushing around entire planets and killing a man with a single punch.
  • Superhuman Durability: Superman is not only strong, but he's also tough. I mean, he doesn't cry when you shoot him with a paintball gun. You think that's bad? He has also been hit with blades, gunshots, grenades, cherry bombs, lasers, punches from Hulk, an air strike, a nuclear explosion, and the core of the sun itself. It appears the only thing that can beat him are rocks.
  • Superhuman Speed: Because being able to punch stuff isn't "cool" enough, he can also run fast too. Superman can run so fast, that you can try to run after him, and you won't be able to. He's just too fast. Oh, he can also outrun a speeding bullet. It's also rumored he can go so fast that he can reverse time, but this is the biggest load of bull I have ever heard in my life.
  • Flight: Apparently being able to run at near-light-speed isn't good enough for Superman, so he can fly too. Many speculate that it has something to do with his whole "Jesus" persona. Even though the laws of gravity say this isn't possible, Superman isn't one to obey the universe.
  • Heat Vision: Superman can shoot lasers out of his eyes. Let's not even bother questioning this one.
  • X-Ray Vision: Superman has the ability to see through solid objects and fabrics. This is useful for a number of delightful and fun activities. These activities include: knowing what your presents are before you open them, seeing through your eyelids, playing doctor (by examining bones), knowing if bad-guys are in the next room, and some other stuff that is not notable enough to mention.
  • Super Vision: This isn't really a power as much as just covering everything else ending in "vision" so we're not here all day. It basically means he can see stuff really good.
  • Super Hearing: Superman has the ability to hear stuff. It is unknown what the nature of this "hearing" is, but rumor has it that it lets you intercept sound waves and convert them into words and other sounds. It is estimated that Superman's hearing is about 300 times better than that of the average human.
  • Super Smell: Superman has the ability to smell bacon from the other side of the planet. For some reason, it only works on bacon.
  • Super Touching: Superman can touch stuff good. He can touch stuff really good. When Superman touches stuff, he can feel it really good. This basically means that he can detect change in temperature at one ten-thousandth of a degree and he can feel microscopic ridges on an object. So basically, he can touch stuff good.
  • Super Taste: If only to complete the five senses, Superman is good at tasting stuff.
Great Wall of China Vision

Great Wall of China Vision

Great Wall of China Vision

  • Great Wall of China Vision: Probably the most beloved power in Superman's arsenal is the ability reconstruct the great wall of china by looking at it. Though it was only used once (and people try to forget about that whole situation), it still remains to be Superman's primary choice when he fights villains that destroy the Great Wall of China.
  • Super Crap: Superman has a reenforced toilet in his Fortress of Solitude, because it would break if it wasn't.
  • Super Breath: Superman can breathe good. Despite his life-threatening asthma, Superman can breathe so good that he can blow stuff over.
  • Frost Breath: Superman can also breathe cold. Nobody knows for sure what "breathing cold" is, but Superman can do that too. Superman can freeze stuff by breathing on it, which is kind of cool if you get my drift.
  • Memory Kiss: Through an inexplicable turn of events, Superman can erase one's memory with a kiss.


Superman Stupid

Superman demonstrating his "Super Mathematics"

  • Super Mathematics: Superman can do mathematics far differently from any normal human. While the human just follows the rules of math, Superman uses some alien method that guarantees the wrong answer every time!
  • Fighting Skill: Superman spent twelve years and $200,000 mastering martial arts. As soon as he was done, Batman pointed out that he was the strongest being in the universe and didn't need advanced fighting technique. Superman then face-palmed so hard that he was in the hospital for three months.
  • Genius Level Intellect: Despite being dumb, Superman is incredibly smart. His brain operates at seven volts an hour and can solve a 3rd grade math problem in mere hours. Superman also likes to punch stuff.
  • Master of Disguise: Superman has mastered the art of blending in. His favorite technique is putting on a pair of glasses and calling himself Cyclops. Eventually they figured out he was actually Clark Kent. He tried putting on a hat to disguise himself further, but that proved ineffective.


  • Rocks: Superman has a severe life-threatening allergy to rocks.
  • Magic: Superman is weak to magic. So weak, in fact, that he was once defeated by a clown that knew a card trick.
  • Red Suns: As if rocks and card trick aren't enough, Superman is vulnerable to the color red.