Spider-Man trying to look manly. Take note of the word "trying".
|Real Name:||Peter Parker|
|Relatives:||Aunt May (aunt), Uncle Ben (uncle), Scarlet Spider (clone)|
|Unusual Features:||Sticky stuff on his hands|
|Education:||Phd in science. Every science. Ever.|
|Species:|| Human (50%)|
|Home:||New York City|
|Likes:||Mary Jane Watson|
|Quotes - Gallery - Appearances|
|“||With great power, comes great parties. I throw a rocking party.||”|
–Spider-Man talking about his love of parties.
Griffin Parker was that one kid that the nerds always pick on. However, everything changed when Peter got bit by a spider. Having an allergic reaction to the spider's venom, he started developing all of these weird issues involving flatulence. After that went away, he got superpowers and became Spider-Man. He now uses these superpowers in a half-hearted attempt to impress people. Hey, at least he has the powers of a spider! You know, except for the fact that he can't actually make webs, which is what a spider does.
Early Life and Becoming Spider-ManEdit
Peter Parker was once a young high school student. When he asked his Uncle Ben for allowance, he got a crappy camera. Using this camera, he became a photographer. He always liked taking pictures of Mary Jane Watson for some reason. Sometimes he would even hide in the bushes in her yard to get just the right shot.
Everything changed when he was getting really good pictures of her. They were at a science lab that had decided to let radioactive spiders hang out everywhere. He got bit, and then he started having all sorts of nausea and gastronomical problems. After this was fixed, he got a bunch of powers like a spider. Of course, God forget to give him web shooting powers (way to go God), so he had to make his own web shooters. He then made a costume (checking to make sure it was gay to comply with the Law of Homosexuality). Then he remembered some speech his uncle gave him about responsibility. He couldn't remember it, so he assumed it was "Don't be responsible." He then used his powers to throw parties, prank people, and get better pictures of people (people like Mary Jane).
Peter Parker used to be a loser and a loner. That's when he was bitten by a radioactive spider. Then he became an arrogant loser and a loner. Though nobody likes Spider-Man, he thinks he's super popular now. Sometimes he even throws parties and sets up cardboard people to pretend he has friends.
Powers and AbilitiesEdit
- Wall Crawling: Spider-Man can stick to walls using the sticky stuff that is always on his hands. This power is good for climb walls and... that's about it really. He can climb walls. Yay.
- Spidey Sense: Spider-Man feels a tingly sensation whenever things are getting too hot for him to handle.
- Super Strength: Spider-Man has super strength, which means he lift several times his own weight. He can also kill a man with a single punch and rip apart a brick wall. All this and he still gets his butt kicked any time he fights anyone.
- Super Speed: Spider-Man can travel 0.01 MPH faster than humanly possible.
- Super Stamina: Spider-Man run really fast for a whiny nonathletic nerd.
- Super Durability: Spider-Man could take a bullet and still live, though odds are he'd cry like the little baby he is.
- Super Agility: Spider-Man has had enough ballerina and gymnastics training to where he can twist in pretty much any direction. After he was bitten by the spider, this got even more extreme. He once wrapped his pinky toe around his head. Nobody has ever done that before or since.
- Genius Intellect: Being a super-nerd, Peter is one of the smartest people you will ever meet. He is smarter than you, your mother, and your dog combined (by the way, your dog is an idiot). He has solved complex puzzles and once even beat Reed Richards in a staring contest. He's still susceptible to even the most basic tricks, however.
- Science Expert: Peter Parker knows the sciences. All of them.
- Photographer: Peter is especially skilled with a camera. Ever since he got his first camera from his Uncle Ben, he has been taken photos of people. Specifically women. Specifically Mary Jane. Specifically Mary Jane without her knowledge. He also takes pictures of other things, but mostly Mary Jane.
- Spidey Sense Disruption: Whenever Spider-Man is weakened (IE, while fighting) or distracted (IE, while Mary Jane is nearby), the Spidey Sense is not as effective. It is also falsely triggered by methane, so he thinks farts are attacks. This causes him to punch anyone who farts.
- Forever Alone: Spider-Man doesn't know how to communicate with people stupider than him, making him forever alone.
- Pathological Lying: Peter Parker is a dishonest little twerp that compulsively lies to people. His most famous lie is when he said "I'm cool," but he has lied many times before and after that.
- Bug Spray: If Spider-Man is attacking, just go to the local department store and buy an $8 can of bug spray. That should kill him.
- In all his adventures, Spider-Man has made a grand total of four friends. Three of them are imaginary and one of them is Human Torch (and he does not count as a person).
- As Peter Parker's job is to take pictures of Spider-Man, he is technically the world's first professional selfie photographer.