|“||I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I had more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. I can also light stuff on fire. You should try it some time.||”|
–Stark discussing his decision to add a flamethrower to his suit.
He's going to hunt you down and turn your intestine into a carburetor.
|Real Name:||Anthony Edward "Tony" Stark|
|Unusual Features:|| A big glowing thing embedded in his chest|
|Occupation:||Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.|
|Education:||College degree in engineering and stupidity|
|Species:|| Human (formerly)|
|Quotes - Gallery - Appearances|
Iron Man (also known as Anthony Edward "Tony" Stark) is the infamous warrior of metal himself. Iron Man started about as a cocky and arrogant businessman, but then tragedy struck when he was kidnapped by Al-Qaeda. Now he is a cocky and arrogant businessman with a red and yellow weapon of mass destruction. Iron Man has revolutionized the media forever by implying the rich white man is the one who should have the power.
He was born to some couple, but was then put up for adoption in early 1940. Then he was adopted by Howard Stark. As he was born in the middle of World War II, he had to learn how to fight for himself. By the age of three, he had already built a basic assault rifle from scratch. This may seem impressive for someone of that age, but his father had already been building fusion reactors at that age - something Tony would not accomplish until he was eight.
Along with World War II, Tony had another motivation for growing up quickly. His dad beat him every day. Every single day, Tony's father would beat him at Call of Duty. Furious that his father was even allowed to have a project that supposedly wasn't going to be invented for another 60 years, Tony decided he would become a billionaire playboy like Batman.
Businessman and CaptureEdit
Eventually Tony's father died and he inherited all of the money. He also inherited Stark Industries, the greatest corporation in all of New York City. With this money, Tony decided he didn't need to work anymore. He instead began selling sticks because rich people can do whatever they want. Al-Qaeda heard of Stark's impressive weapons manufacture, and they had him come down to sell them weapons.
Apparently Al-Qaeda wasn't very happy when he offered to sell them a stick for only $999,999.99 plus shipping and handling, because they shot him in the foot and threw him in a cave. This is where Stark resided for the next four months. Al-Qaeda expected him to build a bomb, so they gave him a box of scraps.
Tony quickly realized that it would not be reasonable for him to build a bomb with table scraps (at least, not in the amount of time they gave him). He then asked for a few "bomb parts", including guns, flamethrowers, explosives, and blocks of metal in the shapes of body parts. Al-Qaeda gave him what he asked for, and were surprised to find out he was actually building a suit of armor. He killed all of the terrorists and made his way back to China. After getting some Chinese food, he went to America.
When he got back to America, he found out that family friend and business associate Obadiah Stane had taken over his company. This made Tony mad. In fact, it made him so mad that he pimp slapped Stane. Stane pretended to forgive him, but then swore revenge. Stane learned how Tony built his armor, and built a suit of his own.
Iron Man engaged in a huge battle with Obadiah. They fought to a stalemate, and that's when it got real. Obadiah proclaimed he was Tony's real father. Tony said "cool", and shot Obadiah in the face, killing him. DNA testing later confirmed Obadiah had only been Tony's biological father part time.
Tony Stark has a reputation of being a selfless businessman and American hero that would give up everything to save one life. This is the biggest load of crap that has ever shown its face on the internet. Put simply, Tony is a big jerk. He steals candy from babies and takes lunch money during recess. He also fuels wars for a profit and he once even stole Wolverine's beer (that's the last time he ever made that mistake).
Tony claims that it's okay that he's a jerk because he saves lives every day and he's so rich nobody could do anything about it anyway. He is also willing to lie and cheat to get his way. Why? Because he's better than you, that's why.
Powers and AbilitiesEdit
Iron Man does not have any powers. The only reason he is a superhero is because he's an idiot that wants to be like Batman. He had some powers for a little while, but then he realized he was just really drunk. He has not demonstrated any powers, real or imaginary, since then.
- Engineering: Tony Stark is an expert engineer weapons designer. If you gave him an undercooked carrot casserole and some duct tape, he'd have a grenade launcher set up in about an hour. Stark can also create stuff that doesn't relate to weaponry, but he usually does anyways.
- Alcohol Tolerance: Not really an ability per se, but Tony Stark has built up an incredible tolerance to alcohol due to his excessive underage drinking. It currently takes 100 oz of beer to get Stark drunk. Naturally, this is how much he drinks on an average day.
- Stupid: Despite being one of the greatest mind of the century, Tony suffers from this thing called stupid. It makes him do stupid stuff for no logical reason. This is why he regularly drinks alcohol and brags about his riches.
- Alcohol Addiction: Stark has developed an incredible alcohol addiction. He must drink dangerous amounts of alcohol every day just to survive. This means that he is drunk more often than not. This has proved to be a severe weakness and has resulted in the deaths of thousands. Not to mention that Stark Industries is losing value in stocks.
- Lack of Ability to Do Anything: Tony Stark is pretty worthless as a fighter. The only reason he stands a chance is because he's the main character. If he were even the second most important character in his story, he would have died some time ago. The high points of Iron Man's career took place when other people were wearing the armor.
- Tony Stark has been confirmed to suffer from the following disorders and syndromes: alcoholism, narcissism, god complex, pyromania, impulse control disorder, sadistic personality disorder, accelerated stupid syndrome, and rabies.
- Tony Stark is the 4th richest person in the world, which means he can do whatever the hell he wants.
- Tony Stark should not be trusted. He is anyways, which is why we have yet to achieve world peace.
- Iron Man's favorite celebrity is Robert Downey Jr.